Vincent Poirier Fucks

I’ll admit, when I say the notification that the Celtics signed Vincent Poirier I had no fucking clue who this dude was. Because I care about journalism I did my due diligence and went to YouTube where I learned everything I needed to know and was sold on the idea of Poirier becoming a useful big on a team that desperately needed big man help.

Or so I thought. You see there was one aspect of Poirier that I didn’t know about while watching those videos, but one that will be instrumental to how he not only fits into this Celtics team, but also Celtics Twitter. After more extensive research there’s no way you can deny this man has a cool factor that many of us can only dream of

Listen, there may not be a person on this planet that has more love for Al Horford than me. I’ll stan his gorgeous eyes and professionalism until my last breath since he was the first big time free agent to join the Celtics in my lifetime, but he does not have anywhere close to this level of swag. Aron Baynes, I love that psychotic motherfucker. One of the toughest dudes I’ve ever seen, but even his man bun couldn’t bring him to this level of coolness. We have no idea if Poirier will be able to do anything at the NBA level, but after seeing all this evidence I have no doubt he’s going to fill in perfectly both in terms of content AND actual basketball production.

Look at the facts. Tatted the fuck up? Check. Can rebound and dunk? Check. Absolute smokebomb of a wife/gf that only true superstars have? CHECK. Danny Ainge, you goddamn genius.